What is The 3-3-3 Rule For Cats?

If you’ve ever adopted a cat and thought, “Why won’t they love me like I love them?” – congratulations, you’re not alone, and you’ve also discovered the hard truth that cats don’t do instant gratification.

Enter the 3-3-3 rule, which is not a ‘rule’ so much as a simple but super useful guideline about how to help your cat settle into a new home. It was originally popularised in dog rescue circles, but is now widely used to help pet parents with feline adoption too (with a few tweaks for our less cooperative companions).

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What is the 3-3-3 rule for cats?

The 3-3-3 rule breaks down the first critical months of your adopted cat’s journey into three stages:

• 3 days to decompress

• 3 weeks to start adjusting

• 3 months to feel fully at home

While academic studies validating the 3-3-3 rule for cat adoption are limited, the concept aligns with established principles in animal behaviour and welfare and is a widely accepted framework used by by rescue centres, charities and behaviourists to guide adopters through the initial adjustment period for a new cat.

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This guideline is based on observations and best practices and it’s a great reminder that for a cat, adjusting to a new home takes time, patience and a fair amount of Dreamies.

And while some cats settle in faster (especially if they’re young or very chill), for others it might take longer. The rule is meant to guide expectations – not set deadlines.

The first 3 days – fight, flight or freeze

The first few days after you bring your cat home are all about survival – emotionally, at least. Common behaviours during this time include:

• Hiding in impossibly tiny places.

• Refusing to eat, drink or use the litter tray.

• Flattened ears, wide eyes, low tail position – aka full-on panic mode.

• Hissing if approached too quickly.

The reason behind these behaviours is a result of sudden environmental changes, which are among the top stressors for felines. Unlike dogs, cats don’t have a pack to rely on – they’re territorial loners by nature. Your home is now unfamiliar terrain and their instincts are telling them to tread very carefully.

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What you can do to help

• Give them a dedicated ‘safe room’ with all their essentials (litter tray, food, water, hiding spots).

• Don’t force affection – let them come to you when ready.

• Sit quietly nearby and read, scroll or binge your favourite series to get them used to your presence.

The next 3 weeks – building trust and settling in

Now that your cat has realised they aren’t in immediate danger, they’ll begin cautiously exploring their new kingdom. This is when they start testing boundaries, watching your every move like a judgemental flatmate. You may notice:

• Increased curiosity – sniffing new rooms, objects – and possibly you.

• Eating regularly (bonus if they start demanding food with a well-timed meow).

• Learning your daily routine and reacting to it (sitting near the door when you come home).

• Tentative play or interactive behaviour.

According to a study, most cats take between two to four weeks to begin exhibiting ‘settled’ behaviour after being rehomed, especially if they were previously in a shelter environment.

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So these three weeks count as a critical bonding phase for you and your new feline friend. There a number of ways to build connection with your cat.

Gentle play

All cats need play. Even cats who seem like they couldn’t care less. It strengthens the human-animal bond, keeps cats active and in better shape, and can improve relationships between cats and other pets in the home – especially if they all play together.

Also, cats that are played with regularly are much less likely to exhibit behavioural issues such as excessive meowing and aggression. “Play helps satisfy a cat’s natural need to hunt,” says cat behaviourist Cristin Tamburo. “In the wild, feral cats spend up to 50 percent of their day hunting, and many of those same actions and behaviours are also seen during play. While many domestic cats spend most or all of their time indoors and rarely or never actually hunt, the instinct is still very much hardwired.”

To play with your cat, first, get some toys. “Like humans, cats can have different preferences,” says Tamburo. “Some are more interested in toys they can chase, while others prefer puzzle feeder-type toys. Many cats also enjoy wand toys or those they can wrestle with.“

Tamburo also recommends using catnip to stimulate play. “Up to 70 percent of cats respond to catnip or catnip toys,” says Tamburo. “So spraying the toys with a catnip spray can help entice them.” Also, keep in mind that some cats can be hesitant of new things, so go slow. Set the toy down and let your cat check it out and get used to it before you start waving it around.

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Slow blinks and soft talking to build trust

The slow blink is just what it sounds like: a leisurely closing and opening of the eyes. Think of it as the feline version of a gentle, welcoming smile. It’s also one of the few ways that we, as humans, can communicate with cats in their own language. “The slow blink is a sign of trust,” says Tamburo. “Your cat is showing that they are relaxed and comfortable in your presence.”

According to a recent study by Professor McComb and Dr Tamsin Humphrey at the University of Sussex, cats are more likely to slow blink at their human if their humans slow blink at them first. They are also more likely to slow blink at slow-blinking strangers than those who just stare at them neutrally, and were generally much more likely to approach people who slow blinked at them first, whether they knew them or not.

“When I’m working with fearful cats or cats who do not know me, I always use the slow blink method to try and signify to them that I am not a threat,” says Tamburo. 

“It’s a great way of enhancing the bond you have with cats,” says Professor Karen McComb, PhD, who studies animal behaviour at the University of Sussex. “Try narrowing your eyes at them as you would in a relaxed smile, followed by closing your eyes for a couple of seconds. You’ll find they respond in the same way themselves and you can start a sort of conversation.”

Hand-feeding treats for positive association

Unlike dogs, cats don’t tend to fawn over whoever fills their bowl. So if you’re looking to win the trust of your new feline flatmate, hand-feeding treats can be a surprisingly effective strategy. It isn’t just about bribery (although let’s not pretend chicken-flavoured Dreamies don’t work wonders). When you offer a treat directly from your hand, you’re establishing a positive association between yourself and something your cat enjoys. This taps into a principle known as classical conditioning – a learning process regularly used in animal training. In short, your cat begins to associate your presence, smell and voice with the warm, fuzzy feeling of reward.

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Over time, this kind of interaction builds trust and familiarity, particularly in shy or previously mistreated cats. They learn that not only do you bring the snacks, but that you’re safe to approach, sniff and eventually snuggle with.

Hand-feeding also helps encourage gentle physical interaction without overwhelming them. The act of stretching their head forwards to take a treat from your palm is a voluntary gesture of trust. For nervous or newly adopted cats, this can be a huge step – especially when paired with a soft voice and a relaxed posture.

Even brief moments of nose-to-hand proximity help reinforce non-threatening social cues. A 2017 study published in Behavioural Processes found that cats respond more positively to humans who use slow blinks and a non-direct approach, both of which pair beautifully with hand-feeding moments. It’s a way to introduce structure and consistency to human interaction – small, manageable moments where the cat remains in control but gains something pleasurable from contact.

The 3-month milestone – home is where the cat is

Three months in, if all has gone well (and you haven’t tried to dress them in outfits), your cat will be feeling much more secure, confident, and – dare we say it – loving.

You might now notice:

• Seeking you out for affection and cuddles.

• Playfulness, purring, increased vocalisation.

• Full relaxation postures – like flopping on to their side or belly.

• Following you from room to room like a very quiet furry stalker.

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This is when their true personality emerges. Are they a chatty Cathy? A loafing introvert? A chaotic gremlin who exists purely to ruin plants? Whatever they are – this is their authentic self.

Now is a great time to:

• Introduce new enrichment (cat trees, window perches, etc).

• Begin clicker training or gentle handling.

• Slowly start introducing other pets or visitors – if applicable.

What about letting my cat outside?

According to Battersea, how long you leave it before letting your cat outside depends on the cat’s personality and how quickly they settle. You may be tempted to let your new cat outside as soon as possible, but generally it’s best to allow up to 4-6 weeks after you first take them home if they’re a new cat in your life. This will give them plenty of time to settle in their new environment.

The timescale is slightly different for kittens. Battersea would recommends letting your kitten out with supervised access to the outside once they’re about four months old, and have been neutered, had all their vaccinations and are fully settled into your home. You should also make sure your kitten seems confident enough in the house first as going outside can be a little daunting to begin with.

Final thoughts – the 3-3-3 rule for cats

The 3-3-3 rule is not actually a rule but a helpful guideline for understanding how cats adjust to a new home: 3 days to decompress, 3 weeks to start settling and 3 months to feel truly at home. Cats may start off wary, withdrawn or downright panicked, but with time, patience and gentle interaction – like slow blinks, play and hand-fed treats – they begin to trust their humans and show their true, delightfully chaotic selves.

Frequently asked questions

What if my cat takes longer than 3 months to settle?

That’s completely normal! The 3-3-3 rule is a general guide – not a deadline. Some cats, especially those with traumatic pasts or shy personalities, may need extra time to fully relax and bond.

Can I speed up the bonding process with my cat?

Not really, but you can support it. Patience, consistency, gentle play, hand-feeding and letting your cat come to you on their own terms are the best ways to build trust.

Should I be worried if my new cat won’t eat or use the litter tray in the first few days?

Mild appetite loss and litter avoidance can be normal due to stress, but if it continues for more than 48 hours, it’s a good idea to consult your vet to rule out medical issues.

Is the 3-3-3 rule scientifically proven?

While it’s not backed by peer-reviewed studies, the 3-3-3 rule is based on decades of observational experience from shelters and behaviourists and aligns well with established feline behavioural science.

Resources

• McKamey Animal Center (2022) The 3-3-3 Rule When Adopting a Dog or Cat

• Cats Protection Managing Cat Behaviour

• Humphrey, T., Proops, L., Forman, J. and McComb, K. (2022) ‘The role of cat eye narrowing movements in cat–human communication’, Journal of Feline Medicine and Surgery, 24(10), pp. e322–e330.

• Coile, C. (2022) Cats and Classical Conditioning

• Vitale Shreve, K.R. and Udell, M.A.R. (2020) ‘What’s inside your cat’s head? A guide to feline cognition’, Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 24(10), pp. 813–815.

• Battersea Dogs & Cats Home Introducing Your Cat to the Outside

• Bradshaw, J.W.S. (2013) The Behaviour of the Domestic Cat. 2nd ed. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press