Are You a Helicopter Dog Parent?
It’s normal to worry – but your pup might also need some space
If you could see my search history, you’d probably be worried. About me, not my dog. In the past couple days alone, I have asked the internet whether my dog’s eye gunk is a normal colouropens in a new tab, if she will be emotionally scarred from having to go for a poo in the snowopens in a new tab and whether she thinks I’m her mum or her wife. (Yes, no and both.)
If my dog were a human child – which, in many ways, she is – I’d be teetering on the edge of helicopter parenting. This type of parent is typically characterised by being overly attentive, excessively cautious, googling questions like ‘best everyday body armour for kids’ and general hovering. Understandably, this level of parental hyper-vigilance comes with a stigma.
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opens in a new tabWhat’s the link between helicopter parenting and mental health?
In 2022, a team of Norwegian researchers reviewed 38 different studies focused on helicopter parentingopens in a new tab and symptoms of anxiety and depression. They found that a majority of these studies suggested a relationship between helicopter parenting and anxiety/depression, though they noted the evidence is “insufficient” and needs to be investigated further.
In 2018, a study from the American Psychological Association opens in a new tab found that toddlers who experienced ‘over-controlling’ parentingopens in a new tab at age two had poorer behavioural and emotional regulation at age five. Alternatively, children who exhibited stronger emotional and behavioural regulation at age five were less likely to have social or emotional issues at age ten. The same year, the New York Times published an article on parents helping versus ‘helicoptering’opens in a new tab their children, asking questions such as, ‘Are we abetting dependency?’ and ‘Can we allow our child to be uneasy?‘
Often, it starts from a place of love. We want the ones we care about to be safe, healthy and happy – pets included. In turn, it’s all too easy to let legitimate concerns grow to full-blown panic. If this sounds familiar as a fellow pet parent, fear not. Here’s what you need to know about helicopter parenting your dog.
What is a helicopter pet parent, and am I one?
There is no definitive test to determine whether you’re a helicopter parent (for children, dogs or otherwise). This is great news if you’d prefer to panic in peace but not so helpful if you’re trying to ease your own anxieties. Fortunately, I spoke to a couple of experts who offered insight into what helicopter parenting could look like for pet parents.
“In my experience, helicopter dog parenting often manifests as jumping to the worst possible conclusion about your pet,” says Margaret, an animal shelter educator in Kansas City, Missouri. She used the examples of rushing to the vet because you’re worried your dog yawns too much or assuming that if your dog growls at one (one) stranger, you’ll never be allowed to take them in public again.
“As a self-confessed helicopter dog parent myself, I am constantly going over my girls with a (sometimes literalopens in a new tab) fine-toothed comb in order to look for new bumps and bruises,” she says, so even the professionals do it.
Robert Haussmann, a certified professional dog trainer, behaviour consultant and Kinship Collective member, says he often sees helicopter pet parenting manifest as over policing a dog’s innate instincts.
“Many clients over-police their dog’s ability to sniff and exploreopens in a new tab because they are so concerned about what the dog may eat,” he says, noting that this kind of concern is understandable after you’ve “pulled the fourth mystery tissue out of your dog’s mouth”. But, he adds, “Sniffing and exploring is crucial to a puppies developmentopens in a new tab and an adult dog’s quality of life.”
OK, so I’m a helicopter dog parent. Does this mean I’m a bad person (or should I say, pet parent)?
There are studies that suggest anxious pet parents tend to have anxious dogsopens in a new tab. But like the studies with human helicopter parents, the findings aren’t conclusive, nor are they causational. Like most things in life, the key is striking a balance between your own caution and your dog’s curiosity.
“I think it’s great when people are hyper aware of their dog‘s well being,” says Haussman, noting that dog’s lives are enriched by parents who research diet, engage in exercise, encourage mental stimulation and the like. “It can go off the rails however when people micromanage their dogs ability to explore or socialise,” he continues, adding that it’s important to let dogs “navigate the rich tapestry of canine social communication”.
As someone who works in an animal shelter, Margaret sees plenty of positives in ‘helicopter’ pet parenting, too. “I would much, much rather someone err on the side of over-attentiveness rather than the side of indifference or cruelty,” she says, noting that being hyper-vigilant could help you catch early signs of illness or keep your pet from, say, eating something they shouldn’topens in a new tab.
How do I not be a helicopter dog parent? Or, at least, do it a little less?
If you’re concerned about helicopter-parenting your pet, Haussman recommends working with a professional trainer. “New dog owners especially benefit from learning what is normal behaviour and when to be concerned,” he says.
Margaret offers some basic questions pet parents can ask themselves as a check-in: does your dog have consistent access to good food and clean water? Does your dog have a comfortable place to rest? Does your dog have the space and opportunity to do the things dogs do (run, play, etc)? Is your dog safe? Does your dog have regular access to medical care? “If the answer to all of the above is ‘yes’,” she says. “Then, your dog is likely feeling happy, healthy and loved!” And if you have concerns, you can always talk to your vet.
Both experts recommend following your dog’s lead. “Remember that dogs like doing dog stuff,” says Haussman. “Micromanaging, being overly protective or strict can add stress for both you and your dog.”
Above all, what’s most important is having a well-loved pet. For some, that may mean letting your dog explore a little more or, yes, double-checking that blueberries are safe for dogs to eat. (I’ll save you the search: they are.)
References:
Drawing the Line Between Helping and Helicopteringopens in a new tab
Childhood Self-Regulation as a Mechanism Through Which Earlyopens in a new tab
